The Real Work

Yesterday, I weighed anchor on one of the most significant relationships of my life to date. ("Weighing anchor" is a nautical term for pulling the anchor up. I like the sound of it. Heavy.) Not Seda, mind you. She and I are family. This was the end of an intimate relationship, perhaps the deepest I've experienced.

I knew that I would know when it was time, and suddenly, it was time. Just like that.

I had moved through the anger of rights and wrongs, what should have been, could have been, or should never have happened. Sat with the sadness, all encompassing. I found myself largely in a place of acceptance around what it was time to do. I did not feel exhilarated or torn up afterwards.

And still, this morning, I found myself unsettled. Sad and holding a bit... to what? In talking with a wise woman friend (I'd mention her by name, but then you'd all want to be her friend and I'd never get a word in edgewise), I realized that I still carried some sadness about a piece of what I was drifting away from: the opportunity to contribute. There are so many things I wish I could share in a way that they could be received by this man. He has taken so much in that I have offered. And I from him. Could our work really be over when so much is left to be done?

"The real work comes when we take up our anchors and drift away from our teachers, charting our courses for ourselves," said my friend. "That is, perhaps, the greatest piece of learning to be done. The putting to test all that we have gained in study. We must leave the shelter of that cove, the protection of our teacher. We must find our own strength, integrate what we now understand to be true about ourselves and the world."

Such sweet relief in this! I had been subconsciously asking myself, "Have I gotten what I wanted from this relationship?" Always the answer "no," of course, or why on earth would I leave? But have I given what I was asked to give? Yes, solidly. Have I received? Yes. I have so much more clarity about who I am, what I may offer, what I want, how to be in the world. The ecstatic joy I was fully present for, the exquisite pain to hold -- all for this far-reaching gift.

When I consider that what I have given and what I have received are not, in themselves, complete in their potential for evolving the two of us, I can set my yoke aside. I am free in this knowledge to trust that each of us and all of those whose lives touch ours closely will do our own work, supported by the work we have shared. Our opportunity to craft from within a vessel that will respond to our calling and our will as only God would have it. To go forward healing ourselves at the heart of peace in our world.

With gratitude, eternal love, and deep respect.