Anger is a visitor welcome to my heart.
Five years ago, I first heard that anger was not an emotion, but a secondary tremor at the surface of my awareness, a thought that touched my feelings deeper than they wished to sound in their natural voices. I cocked my head, curious, and felt for my anger to hold it gently and with value for the message it might bring about what lived deep in me and chose to remain hidden.
Last week, while sharing my understanding of anger as a guide, a new view offered itself to me, and anger's cry found a particularly cherished place in my heart. In that moment, holding a dear one's anger with her, I heard not only a deep resonance from the wells of fear and sadness. In her words, bristling red with life -- yes, life! -- I did not hear a black disconnect from compassion at all, but instead a fiery adherence to some hope that had determined to slip her by.
"Your anger is a gift," I found myself saying. "It is alive in you not only as a gate and guide to the depths of pain whose witness will open your heart. Your anger is also the treasured voice of strength that you most need to face the darkness in yourself and others. Its fire is fueled by your soul's own fight against helplessness. If you had explored the reaches of your sadness, your fear, without the guide of this anger, you might have been overwhelmed by the emotions, pulled into a vortex of depression as you struggled to see your way out.
Anger offers you a rope to take with you into those depths. It tells you fiercely, loudly, tangibly, that you are powerful... for you are. It tells you that the energy arising in you at its arrival is your very own, not ever to be taken from you. And here you are to greet and receive it.
Do not give it away. It is tempting to send your anger at another, to direct its energy outward in thought and judgment. The sheer fire of your power can consume cities. Receive it instead. Accept its offer of power to counter the depth of your helplessness. Bring that assurance with you as you explore your pain. Receive that power from your anger, hold it, and connect it to your love. Then, whatever could be impossible to you?"
I am so very humbled, again, to witness the beauty of our hearts in this world. I am so grateful for the view into fire, not only because it offers to me the life in my own anger, but because it leads me to what lives in the anger of those that I fear.
Ahimsa, I am hot on your trail.
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13 years ago
2 comments:
Yes, you are, dear. And I thank you for leaving a trail of crumbs for me to follow. When you finally reach ahimsa, I won't be that far behind.
Anyway, it's not something you do once. It's always a choice in the moment.
Hi chica,
Well, I never heard it expressed that way, but I always thought of anger as a friend. Depression is my baddie, and the anger I feel is usually for some injustice or something that I should pay attention to. I know if I get angry that I am working on the problem and not just trying to endure. Most of the time I get angry for others. Typical mom stuff.
I'm glad you all had fun with Rosenberg. Max got to meet him with Lisa Marie. They got together again after a long time. He kept saying how awesome Rosenberg was. I still reserve comment since I know how far personality and personal charisma and personal enlightenment can go with ANY system, but I have not met the man, of course. His web site gives me the heebie-jeebies, but I won't hold it against him! Hah!
I would have liked to ask him how NVC might aid or interfere with problem solving, like building a bridge where there is a style of communication in which all the engineers and builders agree to hold back their needs and such in order to make the problem happen. That's almost the opposite of what NVC proposes. A kind of collusion to not express feelings and needs. It can go to extremes when a whole country approves of suppression of feelings and needs like the "stiff upper lip" of the Brits, but you have to admit that if you're on a deadline or in an emergency, that putting aside dealing with the feelings might be more efficient.
It's just strange that many engineers and scientists and such have adopted it as a style and resent the NVC style as being inefficient to the point of being detrimental.
Also I haven't seen the introversion thing addressed, where some people just feel that their feelings are so private that any interference in their feelings and needs is a violation.
Also, what about the body's needs? On their list, they talk a bit about breathing and such, but pain can really warp a person. Often when a person is trying to meet their body's needs they cannot handle other needs.
I'm sure Rosenberg could answer all this--I just wish the web site dealt with it more. I always worry about abuse.
I had a story rejected because the antagonists in the story did not all sit down and talk out their problems. I just laughed and laughed. What a hoot! What kind of thriller story would have everyone sitting down and talking about their problems? AGGGHHH!!!
Well, if I ever meet Mr. Rosenberg I just hope he has a sense of humor. :)
Kristin, do you distinguish between anger, outrage, resentment, irritability, bitterness and fury?
There is also self-righteous anger and self-hating anger or the Jackal anger you are so familiar with.
I discounted berserker fury until I experienced it. It's extremely low level, like a survival switch is flipped. You almost don't know what you've done until it's over.
I'm assuming your anger was a wee bit more in control! hah!
Well, I'm being silly.
later girls,
hugs and kissies
a
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