Tragedy struck in our neighborhood on Tuesday. The dog that killed our cat two years ago (when she went into my neighbor's yard) escaped through a mysteriously opened gate at night and killed at least two other cats up the street. One couple rescued their cat at the scene, only to watch it die at the emergency veterinary hospital later that night.
In the morning, both families realized the identity of the dog and its owners. One family is close to the dog's family and felt their own grief magnify, particularly as the other couple, not tight with those on our end of the street, sent their energy into retaliation.
I went out to stand beside my neighbor and the angry couple as I expressed my sadness for us all. The couple turned and walked away, still shouting about civil suits and the wrongness they had witnessed. My neighbor turned to me as tears began to fall.
"I get it. I totally get it," she said. "That's the worst part. I'd be that angry if it were my cat. I just don't know what to do with my dog!"
The angry couple made a call to Animal Regulations and demanded that the dog be "put down." The dogs owners, one of them a twelve year old girl, grieved for the loss of their dog, the neighbors' beloved cats, and their own connection with community.
I offered empathy to myself, my neighbors, and my family. I witnessed all of our varying degrees of compassion and awareness as we coped with the big feelings coming through. Anger expressed in blame and shame found quick reflection with frustration at such "unacceptable" accusations. The work of it rocked us, and it rocks us still.
Here is my point: you can't just "give peace a chance." It's not waiting in the wings to be spoonfed to the right politicians, soldiers, or corporate leaders. I don't think it's even the dominant latent force in the universe that we can just "open ourselves to" when the time is right.
Peace is a commitment to take time to turn inwards when things on the outside fall apart. That commitment is like agreeing to feed a hungry baby, even when you are exhausted or starving. Seeking peace is a radical act of love for ourselves and the universe, and it is the hardest work we have to do. Most importantly, we must learn to recognize the opportunities for peace as they present themselves daily.
I think that our people are confused about peace. We march in rallies and write letters so that those who have the power to make peace can do so on our behalves. We will not get off the hook so easy.
Gandhi said, "Be the change you wish to see in the world." Those words do not represent the beginning of a ripple of change. They represent the ripple itself. If there is peace in the world, it happens at our dinner tables and on our city streets. It happens when we make a commitment to take responsibility for our feelings, to grieve and celebrate fully, without demands on others. It happens when we join hands, even in our pain, to work with what is.
Peace is acceptance. It's not always pretty or even hopeful. Sometimes it can be lonely. But if we find the space and support to nurture acceptance in community, then we can share the pain and lighten our load. We can build bridges and ease our way.
Peace is both power and responsibility.
Show, don't tell.
Calendar and Current Events
13 years ago
1 comment:
K-girl,
This is a vital and wise post for several reasons, not the least of which is that peace, like love, is an action and requires a constant reaching out, a refusal to give into the cycle of retaliation and anger that feeds war and conflict. It is a kind of "buck stops here" action, an effort to be conscious and say, "he is just venting anger and grief," or "she is wild with pain and needs to express it," and not just return those feelings with your own reactions.
Action, not reaction, I guess.
How terribly sad that this happened though. We've all lost cats this way. Why is it, though, that when a wild animal does it no one wants to go hunt down that animal and kill it? Too hard? I know that ranchers will kill animals for killing, but what to do in a situation where the dog is captive and unable to run off and escape its "crime," or animal self expressing itself.
Perhaps you've also struck on something else--that there can only be retaliation between strangers? For it seems that the family who knows the dog family is more grief stricken than in vengeance mode.
I don't know, but extend my own feelings of compassion toward them for the loss of a pet is terrible no matter if its the dog next door or an owl or a coyote in from the wild.
hugs
me
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