"I would like it if when I'm reading you stand on the other side of the room and don't help me unless I ask for it," said Trinidad.
Months later, I read Jon Holt describing a trained (and then Untrained) Reading Teacher who "does almost nothing... almost never points out or corrects a mistake." (Learning All the Time, p. 3). Hmm. I guess my son's request has some authority behind it after all. (!)
"Did you teach your baby sign language?" I asked a friend.
"Yes -- with the first of our kids," she replied, "And it really helped. All that communication!"
"You didn't teach your second?" I asked.
"No, she refuses to make our signs, but we always know what she wants."
"You don't think you would have known what your first child wanted if she had made her own signs?"
"Well. That's true. But it was so much fun!"
"Yes. 'Look what I taught It to do!'... Why is it more important to us that we teach them to speak in our symbols instead of trusting that symbols of communication will organically develop (leading eventually to the spoken word)?"
"We will be done soon with recording, which I consider to be the dessert, and get down to the real work and rhythmic practice of music in January..." said my music teacher. "Why are you making faces? What's going on for you?"
"What's going on is that my personal evaluative process supports my learning and growth just as much in this time of recording as it does in any other musical training you have offered to date. I do not wish to distinguish any part of this effort as "work" or something I will engage in with less joy than I am now experiencing. You have taught me to relax, to let go the tension in my body that I may stay present with and open to the music, note for note. I have been striving toward that ideal and listening for the places where I fall short in the recordings. I have adjusted and adjusted and adjusted again. We will leave this season of recordings and fall into the next season of fingers to the keys of piano and matching tones with voice, but I will never learn differently than this way I am teaching myself now. I will keep taking in what I am ready to learn. Would you be willing to use some other word than 'work' to describe this change in seasons?"
"Of course," he said. And later: "Wow! Your piano has really improved! Everything you're learning in voice (our focus the past few months) you've taken to the keyboard!"
Well, yah.
I took the boys rock climbing. They had never done it before, other than during short free climbs at the park. They have been swimming, rollerblading, and biking constantly as of late. Belays tied, they scrambled to the top of the forty foot+ synthetic "rock wall" in seconds. "My gosh, are you sure they haven't done that before?" asked the instructor.
I, myself, climbed the most difficult route there in less than 5 minutes. Yoga on the vertical.
Everything is everything is everything else. What if we stop structuring learning and packaging concepts in ways that they cannot interact? What if my yoga practice is a dance practice is a meditation for conscious parenting? What if by cooking, I generalize to using carpentry tools, fixing cars, sewing clothes? What if the more I generalize across activities, the quicker and more effective I become at the process of generalization itself?
Dang, I could be handy.
If all the world were that empowered, could we let go our terror and hold hands in celebration?
Calendar and Current Events
13 years ago
9 comments:
Dang, girl, you're so freakin' awesome!
Yeah! Yeah! I remember my second semester of college I was taking geology, natural history writing, and art, and I had this realization that they were not separate, and I thought how sad it was that there were "departments" that actually saw themselves in competition for students! All three classes were asking me to be present with the world around me . . . maybe that is what all my learning has been about.
Whether I am with the two-year-olds in my class or with my counselor talking about Sage, or at your NVC class, or with Michael. . . Gosh it's all about presence. Thanks for putting words to it!
Hey honey,
I'm laughing again. That's the kind of animals we are--generalists.
The warp and woof of it is very clear once you're hip to it. I'll be curious to see the unfolding in your heart/mind/body.
Our entire minds are geared to watching and listening all day long and then taking all that, dumping it into some box, shaking it up, and seeing what happens the next time we do something. Most people just get inhibited and then can't learn.
Once you understand that stones talk and breathing is thinking, the whole world is transparent. I told Max that I was about 30 when I realized all this and could really use my brain. He might be earlier, since I was pretty busy doing other stuff in my 20's.
Your kids might never unlearn learning.
Instead of unschooling, you would teach unlearning....
cool, very cool,
hugs
me
Kristin, I just have to respond to the baby signs comment. Although we can usually figure out what little miss baby A wants, it is often with a lot of screaming(from her) and frustration from both of us - especially when we can't figure out what she wants. With our first (baby K) knowing the signs there was A LOT less frustration and more communication. I think it is important to note that they are not forced to learn, it is all done through play and loving interaction. Thanks for letting me clarify!
Hugs,
T
Lovely, T! Thanks for clarification. I particularly like your point that they are not forced to learn. I think we all enjoy the process of working toward a common goal and putting baby and parent on such a team can really support connection.
At the same time, I would like to make room for the fact that all children naturally have different temperaments, with or without vocabularies available to them, so the tears and frustration may not be entirely due to whether this communication system is in place, don't you think?
On most occasions that I've seen babies use baby sign, they are using it in an overgeneralized sense, particularly signing "more" for everything they want. This is quite understandable, as it usually gets them what they want, but I'm not clear how it differs from merely reaching for something combined with eye-contact and perhaps some vocalization. Reaching for and pointing to the problem or desired object in addition to eye-contact and facial expression is a clear communication that I would like to be included as a valuable exchange.
My intent in this snapshot is only to raise the question around why and whether we choose to impress (as it comes from us as parents) a symbolic language on a child when a natural language can also be organically developed. No rights or wrongs, just a curiosity. Do we prefer to "teach" a language? Why? Are we valuing one exchange over another, and why? How might our children feel about that choice on our part? And, perhaps more importantly, what happens (on the inside and outside of us and them) when the child is not willing to learn it?
Here's the irony. When I wrote the post, I made clear that my point was not to formally "dis" baby sign, that indeed, it could provide an extremely valuable communication where others were not easily available (I am thinking particularly around children with special needs), but the point I make is merely to raise questions that we may engage in that teaching fully holding all needs of baby and parent. The computer did not like the brackets I put this information into so it threw the whole post into some kind of weird code and rather then mess with the rest of it, I decided to let that piece go.
I knew it would raise some hackles either way, and I'm very grateful for your willingness to clarify your experience and give me the opportunity to finish my piece on it (at least for now!.
hugs back to you!
k
Kristin, thanks for responding. Without a doubt my girls have different temperaments and little A is much quicker to reach frustration than big sister K. So, even if A was using signs I am sure we would still be experiencing tears and screaming. I just think that with signs it would be much less because she would be able to express her needs in a more concrete way and we would be able to repond quicker without all the guess work that we sometimes have to go through with her.
Paying attention to a childs pointing, eye contact, and sounds they make is very important. Just as we tell them a word for what they are wanting (oh, you want to eat)why not show them a sign as well? They are unable to talk but they are already using gestures (waving bye-bye, arms up to be held) so why not add to their "vocabulary" in more than one way - word and sign.
You ask, "Why is it important to teach them to speak in our symbols instead of trusting that symbols of communication will organically develop?" Well, I don't think it is a choice of one or the other. The signs do not replace or take priority over talking, they are in addition to talking.
"What happens when a child is not willing to learn it?" I think there has to be an understanding that this is not forced on a child, it is not something where you sit and teach or drill them. It just happens throughout the day. As I am breastfeeding A I sign (& say) milk, her sister hands her a cup of water and signs (& says) drink, at dinner after praying her dad signs (& says) eat, when she hands me somthing I sign (& say)thank you. The signing fosters interactions that are already taking place - talking, laughing, touching, seeing the world together. So the way I see it there is nothing lost or any damage done when a child does not pick up the sign. At this point A has only signed two words one time each. But, just as her big sister K did, I am guessing that one day she will start signing several words consistently. If she doesn't then oh well, nothing lost.
Eleven years ago (when my niece was born)I became interested in signs when I read that research supported that it leads to several things including less frustration,
speakig earlier than non signers,
larger vocabularies, better readers than non signers, higher IQ, stimulation of multiple areas of the brain, and fosters a connection between caregiver and child. At the time I thought, "Why not try it?" When we had our first daughter three years ago the research supported the same findings.
I guess what I am trying to say is we did not teach signs as a "hey look what we did" thing, but as a way to communicate with K with as little frustration and as much understanding as possible. It has been very helpful to us and as far as we can see we have not experienced any negative consequences from teaching baby signs.
Baby is now needing me so I must close. Sorry for any sp mistakes!
Thank you for letting me answer your questions and allowing me to share my thoughts.
Blessings,
T
Well, hurray! Your personal observations supported by your own research (which I trust as I do you!) point to much more effectiveness in communication than I have witnessed in passing amongst those using baby sign. I had not at all ruled out this possibility, but it was not in my experience, so I'm delighted to hear that it is in yours!
Thank you so much for taking time out of your busy day to share your thoughts and feelings on the matter, T. I so value what I was ready to learn here today :), your willingness to engage and share, and the very dynamic of this forum. Your response supports more of the same happening as disagreements or needed clarifications arise. It is an invitation to dialogue that we may grow and shift together in both what we learn and how we practice listening and responding with open minds and hearts.
with love and gratitude,
k
Hi, this is Sam. I like to tie figur8 nots.I also like to rollerblade and I like to climb trees.
Ah,
Here is Sam's post.
Hi Sam. You should show me your knots sometime!
love
anne
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